Camil Tulcan via Flickr
My hands tremble and clutch at the icy frame,
My breath clouds the glass,
I’d carved it out of dust years before,
Plated it with silver – an easy disguise;
Now I peer cautiously into the mirror
And stare at the girl on the other side,
Her eyes are wide, staring back.
Something stirs inside my mind,
And I turn away, uneasy.
Not daring to not look in that other mirror,
The one that chases me day and night,
My own false image shattering –
Myself reflected in the eyes of those around me,
I cannot look into that frame,
And believe that I am loved,
So I go on closing my eyes,
Trying to shape for myself
This girl I would be
And shrink away, afraid to see the hurt,
Afraid to see the disappointment,
Mirrored in the pain of human honesty.
But it hardly matters,
My lies change nothing,
They do not make me better than I am
Nor do they convince me that I’m lovable –
That I am loved.
I see the faces round me blur,
As tears well up inside,
The bitterness of my selfishness, my betrayal –
It’s too much to gaze upon,
The mirror becomes a cross,
And the face is no longer my own,
It reflects my failings, yes,
But it does not darken in the least –
It stays in radiant holiness.
Crucifixion – oh bitter truth!
To look upon you
Is to look upon the true mirror,
And see myself for what I really am,
Crumbling, yet saved.
I stare back at my stumbling heart,
And no longer fear my sins,
For in taking them You proved to me,
That I need no mirror-trick to be lovable
I am already loved.
~ Ilana Reimer